Karaoke is my Therapy
- Emily Kay
- Dec 7, 2024
- 5 min read
Intro~
Exposure Therapy
25-50% of drug overdoses, depending on the year, are caused by drug users going back to the high amounts that they used to take before getting sober. Their tolerance went down when they stopped using, so their body couldn’t handle it, and they died. This is an excellent analogy for sensory tolerance. From October to the end of the year, there are the most social events in a row that I am required to attend. Because of this, my tolerance level for the amount of stimulation I can handle daily lowers as the year progresses. By the time the holidays return, I am not in a good place. This has been a problem my entire life, but I may have finally found a way to fix it.
You’ve probably heard the term “Exposure Therapy.” Because our brains are wired to avoid situations that yield negative emotions, psychology has found a therapeutic activity to help change that reaction. It’s the doctor-speak version of “face your fears.” The most common afflictions that exposure therapy is used to treat are Phobias, Panic Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
There are different strategies for exposure therapy. In vivo exposure occurs when the fear is faced head-on in the real world. Imaginal exposure occurs when the fear is faced in the imagination. Virtual reality exposure occurs when the fear is faced virtually. Interoceptive exposure occurs when the fear becomes an action. There are also different paces for exposure therapy. Graded exposure starts with a simple fear, and builds up to its most distressing scenario. Flooding exposure is just throwing the most prominent fears at the patient.
The results of exposure therapy are classified in different ways. Habituation results from the fear decreasing over time. Extinction occurs when the fear is no longer a difficulty in the person’s life. Self-efficacy occurs when the patient learns they can face the fear independently. Emotional processing is when the patient realizes that there is really nothing to fear.
Exposure therapy for autistics is different from behavioral therapy, but can also be a part of behavioral therapy. Just as a dog is an animal, an animal is not necessarily a dog.For autistics, the only way that exposure therapy makes a healthy difference is if the person consents to it. There are studies that prove that forced exposure therapy with overwhelming sensory stimuli just creates trauma. This is a significant and humongous differential. My parents forcing me to attend church did not help my tolerance for the loud bells and singing. It was always too much. Going to karaoke is different. It’s an activity I enjoy where I am free to leave at any point, and I can also take breaks outside or in my car. I am not shaming my parents here. I wasn’t diagnosed with autism until I was 22, so they had no way of knowing how much the experience affected me. The main point of this example is to hammer in the fact that forced exposure therapy will more than likely backfire when the patient is autistic. Most autistics are traumatized enough as it is, so let’s avoid making it worse if at all possible.
Exposure therapy works best for those autistics who struggle with comorbid anxiety and OCD. If you’re unfamiliar with the term “comorbid” or need a refresher on the common comorbidities for autism, please head over to my previous episode titled “Comorbidities.”
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Karaoke Vibes
I will start this by insisting that I am not a bar type of gal. That’s not usually my scene. I’ve gone to bars during the day for the delicious food. Bar food is excellent almost everywhere you go. I’ve never been one to go to bars on a regular basis. That is until I felt the vibes. Karaoke night at the Kevin O’ Bryan’s Irish Pub has immaculate vibes. I don’t drink, and neither does my editor. I like to say, “We’re here, we’re queer, and we don’t drink beer,” but you can get drunk on the vibes alone on karaoke night.
The first time I went to this particular bar for karaoke was for their Thanksgiving pajama party, which was a blast in and of itself. It was a fun time, but I couldn’t see myself becoming a regular due to just how the sensory stimuli assaulted me the minute I walked in the door. A couple of months later, I brought up the idea of using it as an opportunity to raise my tolerance for loud environments to my friend, and she loved the idea. I was terrified. Adding something to my routine can be hugely distressing.
For the first few weeks, I would show up on my own to meet my friends and leave after half an hour to an hour. Then, for personal reasons, our mutual friend who gave my editor (who we’ll aptly name “Editor”) a ride to and from karaoke had to miss for a while. This started our current routine.
I pick up Editor on my way home from work. We watch some TV at my apartment, then head to the bar for karaoke at 8 p.m. I bring my camera with a microphone connector and my tripod to record the karaoke songs both for my Patreon and my personal enjoyment. We eat our usual meals and sing, then I leave between 10 and 10:30 p.m., taking Editor home if she doesn’t get a later ride and uploading the recordings before bed.
Editor always starts karaoke night off with “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor, then duets with me “Problem” by Ariana Grande and Iggy Azalea. There’s always at least one person who is shocked that I rap so well. My favorite comment ever was when a drunk guy yelled, “Is that tiny little white girl rapping?” Some of my favorite songs I’ve sung are “Shower” by Becky G., “Classic” by MKTO, and “Without Me” by Eminem. My favorite songs that my friends have sung include “Never Gonna Give You Up” by Rick Astley, “Holding Out For A Hero” (the Shrek 2 version) sung by Jennifer Saunders, “My Kink is Karma” by Chappell Roan, and “Femininomenon,” also by Chappell Roan.
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Changes
The most significant change I’ve noticed is my ability to speak up for myself. I have become much more comfortable asking people (usually drunk) not to touch me, saying “no, thank you” to drink offers, and leaving when I want to instead of feeling obligated to stay just because others want to. I have also visibly relaxed when we arrive each week, having created a fun rapport with the bar staff and DJ and ultimately dubbing it as our “safe place.” On weeks when additional friends meet with us for karaoke, I am now excited and enthusiastic about their presence and how their energy melds with ours. If you’re lucky enough to find yourself a safe space like I have, where it becomes routine and exciting to repeat the process, you won’t regret it.
Outro~
06/16/2024
The Center for Youth Mental Health
06/30/2024
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